Category Archives: Reflection

No Regrets


It’s been a while since I last published anything. But I won’t bore you with the details – I’m here now. 

Today, I am at a stage in my life where I am trying to find my feet again.

4.5 years ago I was given an opportunity. And as I reflect back on it now, I realise that I didn’t make the most of that opportunity; and now I’m left with a bitter taste in my mouth. 

A bitter taste of regret. 

Regret 

verb

Feel sad, repentant or disappointed over (something that one has or failed to do).

That ‘opportunity‘ pill is sure hard to swallow with that tall glass of ‘regret‘ on ice, sitting on that coaster called ‘life‘.

When you know you messed up and now you just have to pick up the pieces and start again. And you’re trying to stay positive when you’re really just miserable

Well, I guess I can sit here and just keep being miserable; and blame myself and others; and do nothing new tomorrow to change. But I won’t. 

You know why? Because tomorrow is a new day to be better than I was today! If I tell my son that, I should probably live up to it and follow my own ‘words of wisdom‘ (so they call it).

I don’t like to talk too much ‘crap’ and not actually come through with the goods. So I don’t want to say too much right now – But I know what I’m thinking when say this and this is only a personal goal I’ll keep between my family. But as of right now, I will train my mind & body for this new career that I just recently discovered I want to pursue. And the hardest part about this “challenge” is that it’s practically impossible for me to get into, because:

– I’m 34 and I’m getting a little on the ‘old’ side to be starting a new career;

– I’m nowhere near fit enough to do the physical aspects of the role (as much as I like to flex my guns) and I have an ankle injury that may not pass the medical assessment;

– They only accept about 120 people out of 7000 applications which is like 1%; and

– People re-apply annually and still haven’t made it in (according to posts I read on Facebook).

But despite the odds, I am going to try anyway. Because for me it ticks all the boxes of a rewarding career. A workplace I could happily go to each day and when I come home, I would be proud! If you can guess it based on the above, I bow down to you. But until I’ve made it in, I won’t tell a soul. For people will just find a way to shoot me down and tell me I can’t do it. And frankly – I don’t want any more negativity in my life! So if you’re gonna be a negative Nancy, you can just stop reading now!

So the beginning of 2017 was kinda up and down. It certainly had its highlights:

With an old friend Ken (introduced in the previous post ironically called ‘Introducing the Sun Chasers’) coming to Australia for a few months and bringing back some crazy adventures into our lives. And this is just his kind of humour… as we stroll through Bombo Headlands looking for a particular ‘rock’.




My nephew Enzo was born and brought some much needed happiness into our lives and on the other end of the birthdays, my mum turned the ripe old age of 75. 





With a slow-healing sprained left ankle (from my soccer injury last year), I still managed to conquer the flying trapeze! Not quite ready to join the circus yet though!


I saw Anh Do re-tell his story “The Happiest Refugee” at the ICC Sydney, with hubby and friends. Anh is such an inspiration to many! This book is a must-read!


Not an easy one to share with the world, but I saw a shrink to try and sort out my ‘issues‘, because I told myself that in 2017, I was going to be bigger and better than I was in 2016. And it may be 6 months into the year, but I’m not ready to give up on myself just yet! Although I’ve definitely wanted to.


I did the Colour Run Night with my family, sister, niece and cousin.


Hubby and I did a couples pottery lesson together!


My son started his own YouTube channel because he watches enough YouTube that he wanted to do his own. See a video of the Colour Run here.


I went skydiving (again) for my birthday! Which used to be my birthday tradition until I became a mum and had to start thinking responsibly. But this delightful surprise from my hubby reinvigorated my goal to become a certified tandem skydiving instructor (number 56 on my #Godlys100Things list).


I saw the Aladdin musical with my son (which was his second musical which is pretty good for a 7 year old). I didn’t see my first musical until I was in my 20’s.


I was finally called for Jury Duty which has been something I’ve always wanted to do (and many others try to avoid) – sadly, I didn’t make the cut. But the e perish even was fun, nonetheless.



We took our first (hopefully the first of many) camping trips as a family, to The Basin Campgrounds.


We bought a new car.


I started yet another new hobby (candle making)… as if I don’t have enough hobbies! And made a few floral arrangements of my own.





And as I scrolled through my camera roll, I honestly had no idea how much I’ve done this year. It’s scary to think that 6 months have gone by but I wouldn’t have been able to recall all those moments if I hadn’t taken a photo of them. 

And the lowlights of 2017, just aren’t worth a mention. I’d like to end this post on a positive!

So now as my goal for 2017 remains, I now look forward to the next 6 months with a newfound focus! Although unrealistic and very likely unachievable, I will give it my best shot. Because, right now, my career is my next target! Because everything else in my life is doing OK! And I’m happy with OK because there’s always another day to make it better than yesterday!


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All the good things 

My last post was about 2016 and what brings me back to blogging. There were so many things that held me back from my writing but by the end of 2016, I grew my wings and started writing again.

2016 in one word: SHIT 💩

But it wasn’t all bad. There were so many good things as well. 

In fact, I managed to hit my goal of ticking 5 things off my #Godlys100Things list. I set up my goals tree back in June 2015, after listening to a podcast from Jonathan Doyle. 




I’m usually a goal-oriented person, without goals, I lose focus and become unbalanced. Last year’s New Years resolution was to build my upper body strength. 


That didn’t go exactly to plan. But, I have learnt from that. I set that goal up without planning and preparation. This year, my focus is on my health and fitness again. But this time, I came in with a plan:

  • I started with a personal trainer with fitness goals that are achievable and realistic;
  • I have healthy competition to keep me accountable and motivated; and
  • I have the right mindset coming in to 2017.

This is where it went wrong for me in 2016. 

But that’s ok, because all the good things from 2016 should be remembered and cherished as well. I’ll rattle off a few:

In January, me and my boys rode in a R44 helicopter over Sydney Harbour. This has made me want to add to my #Godlys100Things list and get a helicopters licence (number 9).



My hubby and I took a couples trip to Melbourne with another one of our couple friends, Dalin and Em.  The main purpose of this trip was to dine at Dinner By Heston Blumenthal (number 54). But I will do a separate post on this shortly. 

While on our couples trip, I played roulette for the first time and won a significant prize, we ate at some very delicious places, went to the Mornington Peninsula Hot Springs and had quite the romantic adventure.




We rescued a blue-tongue lizard who was injured near our pool and released him back into the wild when he was better. This led to us owning a blue tongue lizard as a pet. #Crikey



In February, I joined a Netball team. In my 32 years, I had never played netball and I loved it.


I watched The Sound of Music (The Musical) with my 6 year old. This was his first ever musical and he loved it. #LikeMotherLikeSon


Erica and I ran-then jogged-then walked the Night Colour Run.


In March, my son was elected SRC, he’s in year 1. This was not a great moment for me though. Check out my resilience post. #ProudMum

I celebrated my 33rd birthday in style, by having a Frozen party. I, again, had never ice-skated in my life and I was terrible, but it was so much fun. I also enjoyed watching friends and family show me their ice-skating skills and some who had no skills at all.



It sorta went downhill from the 7 March though. But let’s continue with my 2016 highlights…

My son figured out the Easter Bunny. #WiserThanHisYears


In April, we visited my bestie, Tracy, in QLD and I took my son to Dreamworld for the first time. Her son Harry is my son’s bestie too.


In another double date night with Dalin and Em, we went to see Akmal live for The Comedy Festival.

In May, #OperationHalfMarathon started abruptly. It is number 52 on my #Godlys100Things list, but I didn’t expect it to be happening quite so early in my running journey. Although my goal was to run a marathon, not half, but this is a start. My friend Erica and I have been running once a week since September 2014, when we initially both didn’t enjoy running. It has been a fun journey for both of us, we are at different fitness levels but I enjoy running weekly with her. My Saturday runs have gotten better and better (even though it ended in November when I injured my ankle playing social Soccer. Again, more on that in a different post – yet to come ). But overall, consistently running (even just once a week has improved my long distance running and split pace). Now, when my friend Dalin decided to train with me, running became 2x a week which has led us to train for a half marathon this year. #WishMeLuck



From June-November (life was demanding, busy, and all that jazz). It became too much that I didn’t want to post photos on Instagram anymore. Which is where I usually go to reminisce. 

I’ll try and do the last 6 months of 2016 in FFWD:

I made a flower crown for my niece (Stacey) and tried to get my hobby with flowers back into my weekends, I taught my son how to cross stitch, my work dad/buddy (David) retired, at work we changed it up and tried playing netball, we celebrated our friend’s (Mark and Cathy) engagement party, my work friend, (Rachel) opened up a new cafe, Stacey received the Sacrament of Confirmation and asked me to be her Godmother, Erica and I ran the 9km Harbour Bridge Run, my mum and I went to the flower festival (Floriade), Erica and I went to the Billabong Yoga Retreat, I learnt how to play the guitar, I participated in the Tour de Cure CAN4CANCER fundraiser d 21km walk, I went zip lining with my niece (Katelyn), I ticked off number 93 which was to walk/run the Bondi to Bronte…phew… that’s a lot!



Then due to personal reasons, a dear friend came back to Sydney after living overseas for almost 2 decades. 


As life remained difficult, laughter, adventure and friendship brought happiness back into our lives. I called us The Sun Chasers. More about our adventures in posts to come!

I had some great adventures/memories (Garie Beach, Central Coast road trip, fishing adventures, archery for our team building day, discovering the sleepy town of Windsor, Rediscovered Bent’s Basin, bubble soccer, had some poker nights at home, and lots of fun moments )


I actually started drafting this post on the 1st day of 2017, with the intention of it to be uploaded shortly after. But a whole month has gone by and it’s been quite a hectic January that I sit here on 2/2/2017 finishing this piece.

Initially I wanted to say that 2017 will be a bigger and better year for me. My son and I wrote up our goals for 2017 and already in 33 days, were kicking goals. Unfortunately I know this trend all too well. I start my year well and by June I’m all fizzled out/overwhelmed and tired. I am conscious of my actions and need to make myself accountable. I need to be my own motivation. But I can’t do it alone, like I did at certain times last year. I aim to post more regularly and keep my blog up to date with my journey. The best feeling is when someone asks me “when’s your next blog post coming out?” I write this blog for many reasons, but the most rewarding is to know someone out there reads it. 

Stay positive. 

Stay true to yourself.

Keep smiling.

What brings me back…to this world


I’ve been on a blogging break for so many reasons. I started this blog as my way of speaking up. Sometimes people say shit they can’t back up. Or they talk a lot of crap and I just wanna shut ’em down. But I’m in two minds about causing conflict. So I keep my mouth shut – sometimes. Mainly when the conflict is work-related or if I don’t want to cause trouble (in general). I’m not bad person – although some would think I am. So on this blog, I can pretty much say whatever I want. People say it’s a cowards way of dealing with it. I disagree. I just don’t like conflict. 

Secondly, when it’s my professional brand that’s at stake, I’d rather not risk it for a disagreement with a colleague. 

Also, this blog gives me a chance to put it out to others who may feel the same. To help others – hopefully one reader can get something useful out of this. Whether it’s inspirational or advice. However I’m not qualified to give advice so don’t take my word as gospel. Lol. The irony. I work in the complaints department, and one type of complaint we get is advice-related. 
Bringing me back on topic, the reasons I’ve been on a break was due to the tough year I had. I didn’t feel like blogging when my mindset was wrong. 

I also had some work challenges. 7 March 2016 was the biggest. It will be etched in my mind forever. 

I hadn’t just stopped blogging. I stopped Instagram as well. Like a celebrity in rehab trying to get back to basics. I couldn’t find the inspiration to post photos when my life was so broken. People ‘usually’ tend to only post good photos. People who want to say “Look how good my life is”. But deep down, they’re broken too. Only some will post everything about their lives – good and bad. I know a few. I think it’s TMI. I think social media is great. But be careful what you post. Who your audience is. What your telling them. Sometimes it’s nice to keep something to yourself. So I took myself off the grid (so to speak). I lost connections with those around me. I lost friends (as in friendships and those taken by God). I lost family too. 

This year was a huge wake up call. My estranged father passed away as well. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I knew it was coming. He was 90 years old.  I gave him the cold shoulder and we hadn’t spoken in a decade at least. Some would call me heartless. I had my reasons. No-one needed to understand. Because that was my battle. One I tried to deal with internally. And on my own. One big lesson was – you can’t do alone. We are human. We need each other to survive. We give each other love, compassion, truth and we also hurt each other. His passing made me realise that it wasn’t all his fault. I finally learnt that. But it was too late. I have learned to forgive him for his faults. And to let him rest in peace. I think about him more these days than when he was alive. 


Photo cred: My nephew who came to support me. I didn’t know he took this pic until after the funeral.

I feel like my anthem this year is Forgive me Father (feat. Meaghan Trainor, Wiz Khalifa & Wale) from DJ. Khaled’s Major Key  album. For two reasons. This is one of them. The other reason was for my personal battle and asking God for forgiveness. I particularly love the chorus. 


Like I mean this year started badly. New Year’s Eve was spent in my car angry at my son who had been playing up (partly due to extreme tiredness from the day’s events and partly from his cheeky personality and also the excitement NYE brings). So I kinda knew 2016 was gonna be rough. I’m superstitious like that. The way your year starts, is how it usually goes. 2017 is gonna be fucken awesome! 

I mean, it wasn’t all bad. It was pretty awesome too. But I couldn’t find the thing that made me want to blog again. I was having writers block. I wanted to blog. I just needed it to be meaningful. Today, I posted a photo on snapchat and replicated it on instagram. 

This was my 2016 in a nutshell.

I wrote it on the short 5 minute bus ride to work. And I didn’t think twice. It was just a post on snap. But for instagram (which I like to call my photo album) it was to track my life. For me, it’s not about how many followers or likes the photo gets. I have been off instagram for 6 months. And my last blog post was in Sept 2016. And people were asking. That was nice – To know I brought some value to some people. 

I’ve been focusing on myself this year. Working on my issues. My life. Getting my mojo back. If anyone didn’t understand that, that was their problem. Not mine. Harsh but true. We all have to take time out for ourselves. It’s how we cope. This meant friendships were balancing on a very fine tightrope ready to snap. And it did. I don’t know for sure but I’m pretty certain some friends are gone.

People will come and go. I’ve always believed that people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes it’s short lived. But there was a reason. 

Sometimes people come and go and will always be there regardless. Whatever they go through – sometimes we share; sometimes we keep things bottled up. But no matter what happens, they will always be there. Because life happens. They are my true friends.

Sometimes people are there for a long time. But not necessarily for the right reasons. Sometimes they are there to help us along our journey. But they’re there for a reason. I’ve lost a few of these friends this year. Kinda just dropped off. I am hurt. But I am also human. I haven’t done this intentionally – life happened and this was the result. I miss them dearly but that’s how the cookie crumbled. 

My horoscope from The Daily Telegraph on 15/12/2016

Then there are friends who are taken away from us too soon. A real tragedy. One that makes me tear up every time. Rest in Peace Juanito. You will be missed. 

The photo I posted (above) attracted some attention. I even got a beautiful heartfelt SMS from my best friend to check if I was ok. Which got me to check my instagram post. As I only go in there intermittently. And I noticed it had 3 comments. Again from people who have inspired me to be the person I am today. Which brings me to my blog post. 

I hope you don’t mind me posting this hon.

A lightbulb moment. It was my sign to get back to blogging, doing what I love and sharing what I do. I don’t speak lies. I do what I say. I won’t always be motivated but I try. I will fall. And I have. But I guarantee, that I will get back up and hustle harder.
Watch this space. I’m back!