I’ve been on a blogging break for so many reasons. I started this blog as my way of speaking up. Sometimes people say shit they can’t back up. Or they talk a lot of crap and I just wanna shut ’em down. But I’m in two minds about causing conflict. So I keep my mouth shut – sometimes. Mainly when the conflict is work-related or if I don’t want to cause trouble (in general). I’m not bad person – although some would think I am. So on this blog, I can pretty much say whatever I want. People say it’s a cowards way of dealing with it. I disagree. I just don’t like conflict.
Secondly, when it’s my professional brand that’s at stake, I’d rather not risk it for a disagreement with a colleague.
Also, this blog gives me a chance to put it out to others who may feel the same. To help others – hopefully one reader can get something useful out of this. Whether it’s inspirational or advice. However I’m not qualified to give advice so don’t take my word as gospel. Lol. The irony. I work in the complaints department, and one type of complaint we get is advice-related.
Bringing me back on topic, the reasons I’ve been on a break was due to the tough year I had. I didn’t feel like blogging when my mindset was wrong.
I also had some work challenges. 7 March 2016 was the biggest. It will be etched in my mind forever.
I hadn’t just stopped blogging. I stopped Instagram as well. Like a celebrity in rehab trying to get back to basics. I couldn’t find the inspiration to post photos when my life was so broken. People ‘usually’ tend to only post good photos. People who want to say “Look how good my life is”. But deep down, they’re broken too. Only some will post everything about their lives – good and bad. I know a few. I think it’s TMI. I think social media is great. But be careful what you post. Who your audience is. What your telling them. Sometimes it’s nice to keep something to yourself. So I took myself off the grid (so to speak). I lost connections with those around me. I lost friends (as in friendships and those taken by God). I lost family too.
This year was a huge wake up call. My estranged father passed away as well. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I knew it was coming. He was 90 years old. I gave him the cold shoulder and we hadn’t spoken in a decade at least. Some would call me heartless. I had my reasons. No-one needed to understand. Because that was my battle. One I tried to deal with internally. And on my own. One big lesson was – you can’t do alone. We are human. We need each other to survive. We give each other love, compassion, truth and we also hurt each other. His passing made me realise that it wasn’t all his fault. I finally learnt that. But it was too late. I have learned to forgive him for his faults. And to let him rest in peace. I think about him more these days than when he was alive.
I feel like my anthem this year is Forgive me Father (feat. Meaghan Trainor, Wiz Khalifa & Wale) from DJ. Khaled’s Major Key album. For two reasons. This is one of them. The other reason was for my personal battle and asking God for forgiveness. I particularly love the chorus.
Like I mean this year started badly. New Year’s Eve was spent in my car angry at my son who had been playing up (partly due to extreme tiredness from the day’s events and partly from his cheeky personality and also the excitement NYE brings). So I kinda knew 2016 was gonna be rough. I’m superstitious like that. The way your year starts, is how it usually goes. 2017 is gonna be fucken awesome!
I mean, it wasn’t all bad. It was pretty awesome too. But I couldn’t find the thing that made me want to blog again. I was having writers block. I wanted to blog. I just needed it to be meaningful. Today, I posted a photo on snapchat and replicated it on instagram.
I wrote it on the short 5 minute bus ride to work. And I didn’t think twice. It was just a post on snap. But for instagram (which I like to call my photo album) it was to track my life. For me, it’s not about how many followers or likes the photo gets. I have been off instagram for 6 months. And my last blog post was in Sept 2016. And people were asking. That was nice – To know I brought some value to some people.
I’ve been focusing on myself this year. Working on my issues. My life. Getting my mojo back. If anyone didn’t understand that, that was their problem. Not mine. Harsh but true. We all have to take time out for ourselves. It’s how we cope. This meant friendships were balancing on a very fine tightrope ready to snap. And it did. I don’t know for sure but I’m pretty certain some friends are gone.
People will come and go. I’ve always believed that people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes it’s short lived. But there was a reason.
Sometimes people come and go and will always be there regardless. Whatever they go through – sometimes we share; sometimes we keep things bottled up. But no matter what happens, they will always be there. Because life happens. They are my true friends.
Sometimes people are there for a long time. But not necessarily for the right reasons. Sometimes they are there to help us along our journey. But they’re there for a reason. I’ve lost a few of these friends this year. Kinda just dropped off. I am hurt. But I am also human. I haven’t done this intentionally – life happened and this was the result. I miss them dearly but that’s how the cookie crumbled.
Then there are friends who are taken away from us too soon. A real tragedy. One that makes me tear up every time. Rest in Peace Juanito. You will be missed.
The photo I posted (above) attracted some attention. I even got a beautiful heartfelt SMS from my best friend to check if I was ok. Which got me to check my instagram post. As I only go in there intermittently. And I noticed it had 3 comments. Again from people who have inspired me to be the person I am today. Which brings me to my blog post.
A lightbulb moment. It was my sign to get back to blogging, doing what I love and sharing what I do. I don’t speak lies. I do what I say. I won’t always be motivated but I try. I will fall. And I have. But I guarantee, that I will get back up and hustle harder.
Watch this space. I’m back!